All That Matters is You

I’ve been having some…issues, with some of my friends recently.  Well, one in particularly.  I’m not going to go into detail because that’s not my style, but poetry, on the other hand, is.

You say you’re going to do things,
but then you never do,
You say that you care about me,
but then where the hell are you?

You say that we’re close friends,
but then you treat me like a stranger,
Are you sure that it’s been
twenty two years we’ve known each other?

There’s so much going on in your life,
that you never have time for mine,
You don’t know how much it hurts
that you never have the time.

You haven’t treated me like a friend
in a really long time,
so why am I still bothering
when all that matters to you
is you?

Posted in Frenemies, Poetry | Leave a comment

“Stress; It’s A Killer.”

The title is a line said by Bartok in my favourite animated film, Anastasia.  It’s true, too.  It really is.  Therefore, in honour of how stressed I’m feeling, I’ve created a post of some of the things that make me smile in the hopes that if you’re feeling stressed it will help you, too.


Any No Doubt song makes me feel better, but this is usually the first one I put on.


I think that the video for this is hilarious, and I like the metaphor. Whenever I hear it now, I’m reminded of taking my nan to get her pension yesterday, and her subconsciously tapping along…


This song brings back a lot of memories for me. Let’s just say that…


The little guy in this is so cute. For some reason, it always makes me laugh.


The same advert but to the tune of LMFAO’s Sexy and I Know It, that I found whilst looking for the original advert.

A link, because it won’t let me embed the video, to a scene from The Princess Bride.


My nan, the legend that she is.


Merlin!


My favourite photo of my boyfriend and I, taken on his dad’s boat last summer.


I love Drop Dead Diva. Brooke Elliot is also a great singer.


The writers of Lost Girl have more wit than most of the human population put together.


I grew up watching Charmed, so I’m always going to have a soft spot for it. It was my first TV obsession. If you don’t count Playdays.

Posted in Animals, Boys Boys Boys, Family Ties, Musicality, Silver Screen, The Box | Leave a comment

Follow Your Instincts

For a long time people have told me that I have good instincts and that I should follow them.  What I find ironic is that when I try to, people often ignore me.  For example, before George died, I said, over and over, that there was something wrong with him: he kept looking at me as if to say, “Help me,” and nobody believed me when I told them.  Perhaps nothing could have been done even if we had have taken him to the vets, given that they said he would’ve been on medication for the rest of his life had they found out what was wrong, but that’s not the point.  Everyone told me that I was paranoid, but my instincts had been right.

It’s very rare that I follow them because it’s difficult for me to be able to tell the difference between my instincts and my paranoia, but, as I’m getting older, I’m starting to learn the differentiate as I get my depression under control and begin to trust myself.

I can only really think of one example of when I trusted my instincts.  When I first met my boyfriend, I felt something, but I ignored it because I was told that he was taken.  We saw each other again two weeks later, and I still felt inexplicably drawn to him.  I later found out that he was single.

A couple more weeks later, he walked me to the train station to meet one of my friends who was staying for the weekend.  He bought me a drink, and also fuelled my book-buying obsession by buying me The Suspicions of Mr Whicher or the Murder at Roadhill House.  Then, as we stood waiting for my friend, in the middle of a crowded train station on a Saturday morning, he leaned in and kissed me.  It was a small gesture, but that was when I knew.  He was different.  He wasn’t like every other guy that was going to screw me over, and I wasn’t going to get bored of him like I did every other guy.  He made me smile, and my instincts told me that he was one of the good guys.  They told me to trust him, and I ended up trusting him like I never have anyone else.  I still do.

Since what happened to George, I’ve been trying to teach myself how to trust them.  The two examples above are the biggest and most recent ones that I can think of, but there are plenty more that have happened in my life.  An example of trusting my instincts now is with Heart of Glass.  It combines two things that I love: writing and creating websites.  It feels serendipitous.  It feels right.  Perhaps my instincts will be wrong this time, but either way, I’m going to give them a chance.

Posted in Animals, Boys Boys Boys, Ramblings | Leave a comment

A Gingernut A Day Doesn’t Keep the Vet Away…

Last week, I decided that Merlin needed to go to the vets.  ”Why?” you ask?  ”What was wrong with your adorable puppy?  Well, ever since we’ve had him, he’s had an upset stomach on and off.  We thought it was food allergies, so changed his food, and he’d be fine for a while, then it would start again, so we changed his food again.  He’d been wormed, so we assumed it wasn’t that.  Then, over the last couple of weeks, he’s also started scratching/biting himself.  After what happened with George, I didn’t want to take any chances, so Mum and I took him to the vets.

We weighed him – he was a perfectly health 26.5kg – then took him inside, told the vet, and she nodded in agreement as she spoke.  She also laughed when we said we’d treated him with flea and worming stuff from the supermarket.  ”They don’t work.”  I’m still undecided as to whether she said that because they really don’t, or so that we spent more money at the vets.

She did a blood test whilst we were there, asked for a faeces sample (which Mum took over the next morning), and also gave him some stuff to be treated for fleas and worms again.

One thing that I still remember was whilst we were talking to her, Mum mentioned George.  She mentioned how I saw the look in his eyes and that something wasn’t right, and she didn’t believe me, and he died without any of us having helped him.  She didn’t outright admit it, and she’d never say it to my face, but the implied meaning was there: I was right.  My mum has never admitted that I’m right about something before.  Ever.  But she said it to that vet, and I’m still in shock about it now.  My family don’t admit to being wrong, and they certainly don’t admit it when their children are right over them, so it’s probably something that will never happen again, but it was a nice feeling, being told that my gut instinct was right and that she should’ve listened.  Perhaps it was too late, but this conversation came just a couple of days after I’d been talking to my counsellor, whinging about how people always told me to trust my instincts but couldn’t do the same themselves and could never admit it when I was right and they were wrong, so I got my wish, and I’ll always hold on to that.

Today, on Friday 13th, we got the results back of his tests.  They didn’t find any allergies, but they did find that he’s slightly anaemic and there were small traces of bacteria in his system.  He’s therefore got to go on a special diet and a course of antibiotics for a month, then the vets will do another blood test and re-evaluate.

Hopefully changing his diet (again) will help, but when he goes in for his next blood test, I might ask about making his food myself.  At least then I know exactly what he’s eating and can make sure he gets exactly what he needs, after all, most dog foods are full of crap these days…

Posted in Animals, Family Ties | Leave a comment

A Poem: Higher Priority

It’s not my best, but writing it made me feel better.

Where’s the friendship?
Where’s the love?
What the hell
have I done?

You said we were close,
You said you loved me,
Yet when I really need you

Where are you?

You can’t tell when things are wrong -
I have to spell it out -
but as my friend you should know,
it’s not something I want to shout.

I trusted you,
I thought you trusted me,
but you pushed me away
and made everyone else
a higher priority.

Were you holding out
for things to change?
Were you hoping that
I wouldn’t want his name?
Did you think I’d pine for you
like you’ve pined for me,
just because it took him
for you to open your eyes and see?

What kind of fool
do you take me for?
How long did it take you
for you to care a little more?

You said we were close,
You said you loved me,
Yet when I really need you

where are you?

Posted in Poetry | Leave a comment

Just. A. Hat.

For those of us in the UK (and a few other places), Sunday was Mother’s Day.  We have a family tradition of going out for a meal, and that’s exactly what we did.  It was a little bit sunny, and I was wearing a pretty dress, so I decided to wear my new hat, too.  It’s a black sun hat, much like the one Samantha wears in the Sex and the City film, but not quite as big, and not made out of straw.  Almost every person I walked past seemed to stare, purely because I was wearing a hat.  Either that, or they were staring at my legs, but, given that they were looking up, I’m pretty sure it was the hat.  People seemed to be fascinated by my hat, despite the fact that it was just. A. Hat.

Where we went wasn’t anywhere particularly fancy or over the top (it was a garden centre), nor was it a biker joint (it was a garden centre): it’s just slightly above the local pub, but with the focus on the food rather than the alcohol.  Nobody was dressed particularly fancy.  Maybe their staring was because they thought that my (£3 sun hat) was fancy.  Maybe it was because it’s the kind of thing that they wouldn’t dare to wear.  It is a little quirky, but that’s part of its charm.  I like to think that’s part of my charm, too.

But I still don’t see why they needed to stare.  It’s not like I had a gigantic neon sign above my head saying, “Freak show! Look!”  It was just.  A Hat.

Why do people feel the need to stare when someone wears something that they would never dare to wear?  Whether it’s a silly hat, novelty sunglasses, a miniskirt, a maxidress, guy liner, blue hair, or whatever other fashion choices they choose?  It seems like someone who tries to be even the slightest bit different ends up like a sore thumb.  When did this turn into 1984?  Am I missing something?  Did it happen whilst I was asleep?  Are people that afraid of originality that when someone attempts it they have to make an example of them?

People like Katy Perry, Lady GaGa and Marilyn Manson are always called freaks because they wear too much make-up, they dye their hair funny colours and they dress oddly, but they shouldn’t be criticising for it, just because it’s something that the majority of the population wouldn’t dare to do.  They do it because they don’t care what other people think.  More people should think like them, not criticise them.  When you start to criticise people like them (or me, in my silly hat), for being different, you become one of THEM.  You start to care too much about what other people think, and start to put that before yourself, and what YOU want to do.  It’s your life.  Do what you want to do with it. Bugger the rest of them.  Most of them you’ll never see again, anyway.

Posted in Ramblings, Vanity | Leave a comment

Merlin the Husky Fish

My mum has talked about taking our dogs swimming for a long time (since we had George as a puppy), so I shouldn’t have been surprised when she text me saying that she’d booked Merlin in for a doggy swim session on Saturday night, despite the price (£16 for half an hour).  I didn’t like the price, but it was her money, her decision, so I went along for a laugh (and to lend my car, since she just had a new one yesterday and didn’t want fur/wet dog in it).  Below is a video and some photos of his journey…


Merlin preparing himself…


Merlin, resting by Mum’s leg after his first swim.


Mid-swim…


On the way home, clearly not impressed.


Nearly home…

Posted in Animals, Family Ties | Leave a comment

The All-Clear

So you’ll probably remember when I mentioned that my nan had cancer back in January.  Well, she had her surgery about a month ago now (February 3rd if you’re a stickler for dates), and she went for her second check-up and the results today.  They gave her the all-clear!  Nan, Mum and I all feel so relieved.  My aunty’s response was that we should’ve made her go to the doctors earlier, but, as Mum pointed out to me, it was only Mum and I that nagged my nan into going in the first place, then when she finally did go, my aunty was screaming “Skin cancer!” like Chicken Little talking about the sky falling before she’d even been diagnosed.

Anyway.  Crazy relatives aside, she has the all clear!

Celebratory cookie, anyone?

Posted in Family Ties, Valetudinaria | Leave a comment

Merlin/Marlow

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell who’s going more senile in my house.  There’s Nan, who’s eighty one, has the best memory out of all three of us, but tends to burn foods and sometimes get names mixed up.  There’s Mum, who used to have hearing like the BFG but now can’t hear people shout in the room next door, then there’s me and my terrible memory (I have to write almost EVERYTHING down).

I got woken up this morning by Mum shouting Merlin from her bedroom window to get him in from outside.  I went downstairs because he wasn’t listening to Nan and was ignoring the invisible voice, then when I went back upstairs, went into Mum.  She told me that Nan had been shouting for a Marlow, which would explain why Merlin didn’t come in.  Supposedly when she mentioned it to Nan, she said that his name was Marlow, despite the fact that she’s spent the last six months calling him Merlin.

When I asked Nan what his name was, she replied, “Marlon,” with a cheeky smile.

Mum said she was really worried about Nan calling him Marlow, but she used to get our other dogs confused all the time (Candy was Cindy, George was sometimes Candy even, despite being bigger and male), but she’s done quite well not getting Merlin confused (probably because she likes him the least).

I can’t help but laugh whenever I think about it though.  Maybe it’s because I’m trying to work out who’s crazier and where this new name came from.  But wherever this Marlow came from – whether it’s Nan getting names mixed up or Mum going deaf – a part of me thinks that it’s a pretty cool name…

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Like Dog, Like Owner

Despite having a whole page all about Merlin, I’ve never actually written a post about him. I figure it’s about time that I did.  Let’s get the basics over with for those of you that haven’t checked out his page: Merlin is a nine-month-old kleptomaniac Siberian Husky, pictured below.

He’s incredibly intelligent, but also very devious.  When he wants to be, he’s the most perfect dog there is, but when he’s doesn’t, he steals, he chews, and he bounces of the walls.

According to certain people – my mum, my boyfriend, my nan, several of my friends – Merlin and I are a lot alike.  I honestly have no idea what they’re talking about.  It’s not like I’m stubborn, headstrong, adamant at getting my own way nor do I have a penchant for cheese and chocolate (please note that I know dogs shouldn’t eat chocolate, but when he steals it from the shelf before you can stop him there’s not much that you can do.  He also likes doggy chocolate).  I’m also not an attention seeker, grumpy, or the kind of person that you either love or hate.  Honestly.  I’m NOTHING like that at all.

Well, they do say that dogs take after their owners…

Posted in Animals, Ramblings | Leave a comment